Writing

 

Years ago, as a teenager making plans in my head to write about my journey or my story, it was to be written once I had succeeded in reaching my life goals. And I must admit that, back then, there were plenty of goals to be achieved. It was supposed to be a self-written story, describing the place where I started from and the place where I ended up. Struggles, obstacles, doubts - all would have probably played a significant part, but it was definitely never my aim to make these issues the essence of my story. As an adolescent, you put so much energy into planning and dreaming that it leaves no room for experiencing, not to mention taking advantage of hurdles as a means to growth.  Now, as I don’t know and will never be able to predict whether these goals will be achieved, and as I am working on my ability to let go of planning and to live in a state of uncertainty and vagueness, I have decided not to wait but rather to start writing.

 

In the past there was no option to write a memoir or book without a coherent plot, a beginning, middle and end. These days, as online information is taking over many aspects of our lives and we are getting used to the fact that we are sharing our experiences, it has become clear to me that in order for the right authenticity to unfold, there is no other way but to write it as created by reality or as reality creates it; as an ongoing story with no end for the time being. It is uncertainty that can reveal hidden levels of the soul and subconscious, where one can find the answers which open new corridors leading to new places. It is reality that will dictate the rhythm, the time it takes and whether or not there will be a happy ending or, in fact, any kind of ending. It is reality that keeps us close to the ground—never letting go—and linked to what is, or is not, achievable.

 

Yes, it is encouraging to read the autobiography of successful figures, trying to learn and be inspired by the wisdom of others, but I would hazard a guess that these stories reveal only part of the truth, so many details getting lost along the way. All the difficult moments, uncertainties, and depressions are not the fundamentals they want to remember. People are proud to tell about their failures only when they also have a success to lean on; this is the order of events that affords protection and invulnerability. This is also the stamp of approval which allows others to listen to what you have to say as someone who has been there and done it and who now has the prerogative to inspire others. At that point, as humble as you strive to be, the genuine modesty that is derived from uncertainty is eliminated from the equation, leaving us with no common denominator for equal communication and resulting in no real-time substantive stimulation. This is why I realized that true inspiration is to be found where uncertainty and vulnerability play a major role. I may not end up reaching my goal, but maybe others along the way sometime, somewhere, somehow shall find that which they seek, speak their voice and sing.

 

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